Mediation Process

Why choose me as your mediator?

• Remember that mediators don’t make decisions for you; they facilitate productive discussion, and make sure all relevant issues are addressed. 
• My training and experience as a psychologist, particularly one who works with distressed couples and families, is the best background for working with divorcing couples in mediation.  Attorneys always represent one party in a disagreement, and rarely meet both parties together, except in court. 
• My work with children from divorced parents, post divorce families, and high conflict families has instructed me on issues that are important to address in parenting plans.  My ongoing professional education on the research related to child adjustment after divorce is also a benefit.  While parents decide how to structure their post-divorce parenting, I can lend information for them to consider in the process. 
• Some people think an attorney mediator would be better prepared to help with the issues of property and debt division.  Again, the primary skill of importance is facilitating productive discussion of the issues.  The conceptual decisions about how to divide property and debt are central.  After that, executing the divisions can be accomplished with through simple mechanisms or with the assistance of experts (e.g., in valuing property, transferring titles, anticipating tax consequences).  This is also why you would want to consult an attorney during the process.  An attorney mediator would also have you consult an independent attorney for the same purpose. 

Before scheduling with me

• Discuss mediation with the other party.  Be sure you are both ready to participate in mediation. 
• Be sure you and the other party understand that mediation is not marital therapy.  Mediation presumes that you will be getting divorced and will focus on issues that need to be resolved in order to divorce (e.g., child timesharing, parental responsibility, child support, alimony, property and debt division).
• If either party is not onboard with this goal, there are several options.  Continuing to discuss the move toward divorce until the other party agrees or is at least agreeing to join the process of mediation, is one avenue.  Getting the other party to have a facilitated discussion about the relationship and your stance can be helpful.  A psychologist who works with couples would be a good choice for this.  Be upfront with the psychologist and other party about your intentions, so there is no sense of being misled.  Sometimes these meetings create other opportunities other than divorce.  Retaining an attorney to file for divorce and serve the other party will often end any fence sitting.  Following this procedure, you will eventually end up with a family law commissioner, who will order mediation. 
• This would also be a good time to get a consult with a family law attorney to get a sense of how the courts would probably rule on a case with specifics like yours.

How to schedule with me

• You can phone me or email me to schedule an initial mediation session.  Remember that email flies around the internet on its way from you to me, and could be read by others.  It is best to include information that you wouldn’t consider confidential.  Whether you email or phone me, I am often booked seeing people through the work day and won't be able to return the call until the evening or next morning. 
• Instead of offering complimentary short meetings initially, I prefer to answer questions via phone or email that will help you decide if I am the person to use as your mediator.  That way, the first session is a working session and will get the process well underway.
• I usually schedule 2-hour sessions.  Those usually have to be during business hours.  Typically, I meet with both parties together.  For the initial session, you need only bring yourself and a general idea of the assets (homes, vehicles, bank accounts, stocks or mutual funds, retirement accounts), debts (mortgages, credit card debts, other loans) you possess, and general income figures.  The precise amounts of these things will usually change over time, and we will have to agree on a specific date to establish precise values.  The more difficult process is to agree conceptually to how these assets and debts should be divided between the parties. 
• I will typically meet with people every week or two.  I will take notes about tentative agreements, and will be prepared to document your decisions in a Memorandum of Understanding. 
• I prefer to mediate over several meeting rather than have day-long mediations.  I don’t want people to feel “under the gun” to agree to a complex set of agreements in one session.  Having shorter, multiple sessions allows participants to “sleep on it,” discuss it with others, and change their minds, if need be.  Nothing is final until the document is signed, and that won't happen until you are completely satisfied that the agreement is the best one possible.  I find that this allows participants to “try on” various agreements without feeling like they are stuck with them.

How to make it official

• The Memorandum of Understanding, once signed by both parties is the official agreement between the parties regarding all of the issues to be decided to proceed with divorce. 
• That document then needs to be drafted in legal form to file with the Court.  This can be done by an attorney or by using the Utah State Courts Online Assistance Program .  Once you have agreement with the other party on all of the necessary issues, you can use this program to create the documents needed for Court.  Most people find that mediation is a useful process for getting agreement, and that they are then easily capable of answering the questions asked in the online court assistance program.  The online program charges a nominal fee when the documents are filed with the court.  It will store your answers and allow editing all along the way, until you and the other party completely endorse the final document. 
• Some people prefer to save the expense of having a comprehensive Memorandum of Understanding drafted, in favor of using the online court assistance program from the outset.  This can be a big money-saver!
• Child support is based on the parties’ relative incomes, the number of children, and the amount of time the children spend with each party.  The Utah State Courts have an online child support calculator that creates the forms after asking you questions about the three variables above. 

Cost of Mediation

• I charge for my mediation services in a prorated hourly amount, which is found on my mediation agreement on the forms page.  I require payment for face-to-face sessions at the time of the service. 
• I charge for all time associated with your mediation, including phone calls, mediation sessions, time researching issues, reviewing documents, examining financial issues, talking with your attorneys, writing the Memorandum of Understanding, and any other activities necessary to the completion of the mediation.
• I require a credit card on file for each financially responsible party to guarantee payment.  If you don’t have a credit card, I will accept a retainer fee that will be replenished to a $500 balance at billing cycles. 
• You will find that a mediated divorce will cost tens of thousands of dollars less than a litigated divorce.  The more important savings though is in reduces animosity, increased cooperation, and a plan customized to your particular family needs. 

I look forward to working with you.